It's like when someone smokes in the room while you're sleeping, you aren't aware of the smoke choking your lungs, your heart, intoxicating you. Until the choking sensation becomes too strong and you wake up. I wonder when am I going to wake up...
When a dandelion is being blown away by the wind it has no idea where a part of it may arrive. That's how I feel when people do me wrong; scattered, blown away into the clear blue sky, not being able to pull myself together. That's how it is now.
I am still alive, thus I take my place in society, and escape from it the moment I get home and throw away the day behind me. It's funny tho how the wheel of fortune spins. Last year I could feel only the happy things, live them intensely. Now I can feel only the sad and bad things, I live them... uncontrolled.
I'm alone, I can't lie. I guess I need this to remake the scattered parts of me and accept that some things are part of my life and time waited for no one when those things arose and finally occurred. Lying dormant isn't a solution, but as a saying states "let it pass with the night", when I wake up it'll all be gone with the night.
I'd ask you to hold my hand, but you're not there. I'd ask you to comfort me, but you can't. I'd ask you to love me, but I know you're pretty close to that feeling so I run out of things to ask you to do for me. Funny how things have a way of their own to work out.
Frozen and intoxicated, not the best sensation. Remember the variety of feelings I used to have for everything and everyone? They all turned into a big massive feeling, a unique, singular piece of emotional state, the state of heaviness. Wherever I go, as long as I'll be still walking a certain path, it'll be hard to carry my big heavy concrete boulder, that pile of feelings merged together into a state of heaviness...
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